She Speaks 2010

Last year I attended my first She Speaks Conference, by Proverbs31Ministries in North Carolina. It was an intense learning experience both in speaking to a small audience and in pursuing what God would have for me. I left there with a definite calling on my heart to pursue Ministering to Women. While there God gave me;

Isaiah 41: 9 & 10 9 I have called you back from the ends of the earth, saying, ‘You are my servant.’ For I have chosen you and will not throw you away. 10 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

As I prayed that Saturday night for Him to make His call clear to me, this verse was waiting for me in the prayer room with my name attached to it. I wept that God would consider me a useful tool for Him to place in His hand. As a woman who has gone through divorce, I had felt that God could not or would not use me; or if He did it would be limited. The first sentence of that verse brought me to my knees before the very lover of my soul as He spoke His love over me. I felt that He had at that very moment called me back from the very ends of the earth and placed me in His victorious right hand.

Since my first conference I have started a blog. The tools I came away from She Speaks with have truly been an asset in my ministry. What God has given me in my spirit has flowed out in a manner I never would have thought possible. I desire to grasp more of what She Speaks has to offer to continue to reach people with His story, a story that He continues to wrap around me. The workshop that has helped me the most was Wendy Pope’s; the resources she gave for using the Word accurately in preparing a lesson, a devotional or for anything I write has been paramount.

This year has confirmed the call God has placed on my heart; as in late fall I became the head of Women’s Ministries at my church. The tools I came away with have helped me in facilitating bible studies, teaching adult Sunday school, and planning my first Women’s Conference.

We have also gone through tremendous financial difficulties over the past year. In fear of not being able to make good on my commitment to She Speaks, I have by faith submitted my registration and am relying on the One who has called me to make it possible. Which is why this scholarship is so important to me; for more information on this years scholarship go to http://lysaterkeurst.blogspot.com/2010/03/she-speaks-scholarship-contest.html

If God is placing a desire in your heart to Minister to Women, to speak or write about His truth and Love I encourage you to join me and about 600 other women on July 30th thru Aug 1st in Concord, North Carolina for the 2010 She Speaks Conference. Please follow this link for more information http://www.shespeaksconference.com/index.htm

The Faith of a Friend

I just came through a two day period of absolute oppression right out of the pit of hell. My heart was weighted down with what felt like 50 pound sand bags. The sadness was bone marrow deep and I could not shake it. Sleep would not come no matter how hard I tried, or prayed. The following day was filled with endless tears, if I tried to talk about what was hurting; I felt like I could not breathe.
For weeks I have been claiming victory over a matter, I have lifted it up to God, believing Him for His perfect timing, and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is Sovereign, and he has a plan. I knew this to the very core of my being. I had been walking in His peace and resting in Him. So what happened? How did I end up feeling like I had been hit by a Semi full of doubt and guilt, hit so hard I felt I would need hospitalization. I felt my emotional life was about to have a crash course in “men in little white jackets”.

I had just come from visiting my adult son who is in a dual diagnosis clinic; he had been doing very well and shared some of his “work” with me. He had been able to express himself in Art Therapy and I found it very uplifting and hopeful to see him be able to express his emotions. He wanted to shared a song from his m3p player with me, I'll do the same with you...

“Call Me” by Shinedown
Wrap me in a bolt of lightning
Send me on my way still smiling
Maybe that's the way I should go,
Straight into the mouth of the unknown
I left the spare key on the table
Never really thought I'd be able to say
I merely visit on the weekends
I lost my whole life and a dear friend

I've said it so many times
I would change my ways
No, nevermind
God knows I've tried

[Chorus]
Call me a sinner, call me a saint
Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same
Call me your favorite, call me the worst
Tell me it's over I don't wan't you to hurt
It's all that I can say. So, I'll be on my way

I finally put it all together,
But nothing really lasts forever
I had to make a choice that was not mine,
I had to say goodbye for the last time
I kept my whole life in suitcase,
Never really stayed in one place
Maybe that's the way it should be,
You know I've led my life like a gypsy

I've said it so many times
I would change my ways
No, nevermind
God knows I've tried

[Chorus]
Call me a sinner, call me a saint
Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same
Call me your favorite, call me the worst
Tell me it's over I don't want you to hurt
It's all that I can say. So, I'll be on my way

I'll always keep you inside, you healed my
Heart and my life... And you know I try.

[Chorus]
Call me a sinner, call me a saint
Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same
Call me your favorite, call me the worst
Tell me it's over I don't want you to hurt
It's all that I can say. So, I'll be on my way
So, I'll be on my way
So, I'll be on my way

I can’t even explain what happened to me, tears fell from my eyes, as for the first time I felt like I could hear his pain and sense his feelings of rejection. It was as if those feelings were transferred on to me and bearing them was too heavy for me. My son sensing my distraught kept apologizing for making me cry. I soon found myself walking down the hall and as we embraced to say goodbye I thought for sure if I didn’t leave soon I would be finding a bed down the hall myself.
Once in my car I wept so hard I thought I could not breathe, this feeling stayed with for nearly 24 hours. My spirit was so oppressed with guilt; what had I done Lord that you have put this on my son. Why is he suffering with this mental illness and drug addiction? I could hear nothing from God, no word of condemnation, nor a word of relief. I spent my day saturated in sadness and guilt.

Late that afternoon a phone call came from my friend Gayle; I saw her number come up on the caller id at my office and I picked up the phone; she asked me how I was doing and a flood gate of emotion opened and once again I was rendered unable to breathe or speak. With difficult pauses I was able to state my heart was being ripped from me and I couldn’t even explain it. She walked beside me in spirit as I tried to put in words what I was experiencing, we both agreed that this was oppression and she prayed over me.

I wish I could tell you that I claimed scripture through the day, prayed endlessly to be released. I did not, I could not. I felt paralyzed just like the man in Luke 5 who could not himself come to Jesus but had to be carried.

Luke 5:18-20 (New International Version)
18Some men came carrying a paralytic on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. 19When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus.
20When Jesus saw their faith, he said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven."

My dear friend carried me in the spirit of prayer to the feet of Jesus for release from this oppression. Jesus in his wonderful gift of grace released it; the power of the evil one was defeated at the cross and it was defeated in that moment of prayer. I am so very thankful for a friend who loves me and loves the Lord, who is not afraid or unable to carry a friend to the feet of Jesus, to stand in the gap as the men in Luke 5 did to see a friend healed.

God has always been faithful; and He continues to show me that He is. Even in being oppressed by the evil one He showed me His strength is greater than anything the evil one can throw at me. I am finding rest in the One who is able to do more than I could ever ask or hope for. And in this instance I was unable to ask, but God… was still able! HE is worthy of all my praise and adoration.

A Mothers Pain – God Sees

Genesis 21:14 – 21 “Early the next morning Abraham took some food and a skin of water and gave them to Hagar. He set them on her shoulders and then sent her off with the boy. She went on her way and wandered in the desert of Beersheba.
15 When the water in the skin was gone, she put the boy under one of the bushes. 16 Then she went off and sat down nearby, about a bowshot away, for she thought, "I cannot watch the boy die." And as she sat there nearby, she [c] began to sob.
17 God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, "What is the matter, Hagar? Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there. 18 Lift the boy up and take him by the hand, for I will make him into a great nation."
19 Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water. So she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink.
20 God was with the boy as he grew up. He lived in the desert and became an archer. 21 While he was living in the Desert of Paran, his mother got a wife for him from Egypt.”

This has always been one of the hardest stories in the Bible for me to read. The pain a mother endures over her child is so heart wrenching. A mother’s love for the child of her womb is deeper then the very depths of the ocean. We mothers would do nearly anything to save our child from calamity, serious health issues, the snare of the evil one.

Hagar’s reaction could be every mother’s reaction. We set out with the very best of intentions to care for our children. Even if we have no clue what we are doing or where we are heading. Hagar and her son were sent packing after an incident and I’m sure she was bewildered as to where they would go or how she could possibly care for this growing boy. When the water runs out and exhaustion and dehydration set it; the child is too large to carry and Hagar herself mostly likely is also in a weakened state. She helps her boy lie down in the shade and she moves away a bit to cry. Both mother and child weep; neither wanting the other to hear. But God hears them.

As a mother of a child (young man now) in crisis I have always related to Hagar. Hagar’s son was never really accepted as the heir to Abraham, and as this scene plays out in Genesis 21 Sarah has had her fill of Hagar and her son. And both were pushed away. In this Chapter of Genesis the name that Hagar uses for God is “El Roi” The God who Sees. I am so very thankful that God sees everything. He heard her sons cries and responded. Oh the hope that should give us, I know it is a hope that I cling too.

Without going into a lot of detail, just know that I feel her pain. My son’s life has been racked with rejection, mental illness, and drug addiction. At this juncture of his life, this mother is sitting under the tree at a distance crying, while her son is under another doing the same. Unlike Hagar who didn’t know God until he revealed Himself to her that day, I do know Him; and I am crying out to El Roi, My God who sees.