The Faith of a Friend

I just came through a two day period of absolute oppression right out of the pit of hell. My heart was weighted down with what felt like 50 pound sand bags. The sadness was bone marrow deep and I could not shake it. Sleep would not come no matter how hard I tried, or prayed. The following day was filled with endless tears, if I tried to talk about what was hurting; I felt like I could not breathe.
For weeks I have been claiming victory over a matter, I have lifted it up to God, believing Him for His perfect timing, and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is Sovereign, and he has a plan. I knew this to the very core of my being. I had been walking in His peace and resting in Him. So what happened? How did I end up feeling like I had been hit by a Semi full of doubt and guilt, hit so hard I felt I would need hospitalization. I felt my emotional life was about to have a crash course in “men in little white jackets”.

I had just come from visiting my adult son who is in a dual diagnosis clinic; he had been doing very well and shared some of his “work” with me. He had been able to express himself in Art Therapy and I found it very uplifting and hopeful to see him be able to express his emotions. He wanted to shared a song from his m3p player with me, I'll do the same with you...

“Call Me” by Shinedown
Wrap me in a bolt of lightning
Send me on my way still smiling
Maybe that's the way I should go,
Straight into the mouth of the unknown
I left the spare key on the table
Never really thought I'd be able to say
I merely visit on the weekends
I lost my whole life and a dear friend

I've said it so many times
I would change my ways
No, nevermind
God knows I've tried

[Chorus]
Call me a sinner, call me a saint
Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same
Call me your favorite, call me the worst
Tell me it's over I don't wan't you to hurt
It's all that I can say. So, I'll be on my way

I finally put it all together,
But nothing really lasts forever
I had to make a choice that was not mine,
I had to say goodbye for the last time
I kept my whole life in suitcase,
Never really stayed in one place
Maybe that's the way it should be,
You know I've led my life like a gypsy

I've said it so many times
I would change my ways
No, nevermind
God knows I've tried

[Chorus]
Call me a sinner, call me a saint
Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same
Call me your favorite, call me the worst
Tell me it's over I don't want you to hurt
It's all that I can say. So, I'll be on my way

I'll always keep you inside, you healed my
Heart and my life... And you know I try.

[Chorus]
Call me a sinner, call me a saint
Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same
Call me your favorite, call me the worst
Tell me it's over I don't want you to hurt
It's all that I can say. So, I'll be on my way
So, I'll be on my way
So, I'll be on my way

I can’t even explain what happened to me, tears fell from my eyes, as for the first time I felt like I could hear his pain and sense his feelings of rejection. It was as if those feelings were transferred on to me and bearing them was too heavy for me. My son sensing my distraught kept apologizing for making me cry. I soon found myself walking down the hall and as we embraced to say goodbye I thought for sure if I didn’t leave soon I would be finding a bed down the hall myself.
Once in my car I wept so hard I thought I could not breathe, this feeling stayed with for nearly 24 hours. My spirit was so oppressed with guilt; what had I done Lord that you have put this on my son. Why is he suffering with this mental illness and drug addiction? I could hear nothing from God, no word of condemnation, nor a word of relief. I spent my day saturated in sadness and guilt.

Late that afternoon a phone call came from my friend Gayle; I saw her number come up on the caller id at my office and I picked up the phone; she asked me how I was doing and a flood gate of emotion opened and once again I was rendered unable to breathe or speak. With difficult pauses I was able to state my heart was being ripped from me and I couldn’t even explain it. She walked beside me in spirit as I tried to put in words what I was experiencing, we both agreed that this was oppression and she prayed over me.

I wish I could tell you that I claimed scripture through the day, prayed endlessly to be released. I did not, I could not. I felt paralyzed just like the man in Luke 5 who could not himself come to Jesus but had to be carried.

Luke 5:18-20 (New International Version)
18Some men came carrying a paralytic on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. 19When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus.
20When Jesus saw their faith, he said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven."

My dear friend carried me in the spirit of prayer to the feet of Jesus for release from this oppression. Jesus in his wonderful gift of grace released it; the power of the evil one was defeated at the cross and it was defeated in that moment of prayer. I am so very thankful for a friend who loves me and loves the Lord, who is not afraid or unable to carry a friend to the feet of Jesus, to stand in the gap as the men in Luke 5 did to see a friend healed.

God has always been faithful; and He continues to show me that He is. Even in being oppressed by the evil one He showed me His strength is greater than anything the evil one can throw at me. I am finding rest in the One who is able to do more than I could ever ask or hope for. And in this instance I was unable to ask, but God… was still able! HE is worthy of all my praise and adoration.