I have a very dear friend who has often reminded me “if his lips are moving he’s lying”. Keeping that phrase in the forefront of my mind got me through some of the most difficult moments of my son’s addiction while he lived with us. It was those lies, coupled with the stealing and of course the drug use that forced me to tell him he could no longer live in our home.
This August 2nd it will be a year that he moved out. I immediately transformed his room into my office. No bed for him to come back to. It made it more final for me. Removing the bed and dresser made it so I could not have a weak moment and say “ok… you can come back” The fresh paint and office furniture took it right off the radar from ever happening.
But… it didn’t prevent him from visiting or calling.
While he lived with us I KNEW what was happening. There was no hiding it. His lies were easily exposed because the truth was just right out there in front of me. But when he’s not right there in front of me everyday living out his addiction or his recovery… lies can very easily become his truth. A truth that he sells me, a truth that seemed convincing.
Numbers 32:23 the second half of that verse says …“be sure your sins will find you out”. Isn’t it funny how true that statement can be. None of us can live a lie for too long before the truth is exposed. And that was true for my son.
One after another the ‘truths” he’s been selling have been exposed as lies, as manipulations. When I confronted him he said he did it all to “make me happy”. He wanted me to think he was something or somewhere he wasn’t.
I must admit I liked thinking he was doing well, I liked telling people he was doing well. But the fall from that false place to the real place he is at hurt way too much. As much as I didn’t like the roller-coaster of his living with us “truth” was always more evident… and I can live in truth, I can feel safe with truth even if the truth is harsh.
The office furniture will stay… but I need to find a way to paint my heart before I can deal with the calls and visits.