And they did.
For months I have been actively working toward Awareness, that addiction can hit any family, at any time, and any child can be caught in this mess. When it’s your son, your daughter you want people to have compassion, to extend grace, to find understanding. Over and over in your heart you hear yourself saying
“if you only understood addiction… if you just knew him before all this hit… you’d know the sweet boy I knew, the one whose laugh lit up your world, the one who loved playing baseball and riding quads, the one who cried when he saw a homeless man on the street… that’s my addict, that’s my son”.
The pain a mother carries in her heart when her son or daughter is rejected and looked upon as a looser because of addiction is at times unbearable and I know it well.
Just two days ago I saw my son with a long time friend, one who he has used with on countless occasions. A young man I know well, and loved like a son. He has supplied my son on several occasions with drugs. As the two walked toward me, he knew to separate from my son and walked away as I spoke to him. As we parted I said
“I can’t believe you’re with that looser”.
By the time I got in the car my stomach was turning… not because he was with him, but because of what just came out of my mouth… he is someone’s son, just like my son is.
His mother is in just as much pain over the road her son has chosen as I am. Tears streamed down my face as I was confronted with my two-faced heart. Oh how I prayed that I would have the opportunity to make amends.
This morning I received a text from that young man… he was seeking to make amends for the hurt he had caused our family.
The tears flowed…
I immediately called him and I was able to tell him I forgive him and ask his forgiveness for my callous words.
He said “Susan I forgive you, and I completely understand, if I had a son I wouldn’t want him with me either”.
He went on to tell me of where he was in his recovery, and I was able to offer words of encouragement and understanding. Oh how I pray they replaced the callous ones.
I must always remember… he’s someone’s son…
It's so hard to remember that when addiction first hits. The only thing you want to do is find out who is responsible? Then you slowly realize who is responsible...the addict that you love is the only one responsible for where he is. I've had to eat my words and apologize and I felt so much better.
ReplyDeleteOne of the silver linings to all of this is a compassion for other Mothers and their children that I might have judged too harshly before. I have often wondered if other Mom's thought my kid was the loser.
I can remember having such hatred for those people that used drugs with my son, those that got him started, all of his dealers and anyone that even associated with him while he was using. This was early, I felt like they had kidnapped my son and I wanted him back.
ReplyDeleteI even spent time playing detective. I have a friend that is the elected sheriff of a neighboring county, I am friends with the Chief of Police for our small town. I got phone numbers, I got addresses, I tracked patterns and I shared every bit of information I could.
It accomplished nothing. We all go through what I call the ANGER phase. Then we begin to understand this disease that is affected our children. We understand some of those people are just as sick as our sons. We then begin to learn to ignore the outside influences and are able to focus our love and help own our own child.
That is big step in helping us all get better.
Boy, did your post ring bells! My son had a friend like that too and I harbored many resentments toward him for the drugs that he introduced my son to and for the fact that my son considered him his best friend.
ReplyDeleteWhen I heard of his overdose, I ached so much for this boy and for his mother....in retrospect...what I was hating was the disease of addiction and not necessarily this boy except at the time I didn't recognize it as such. I never had the chance to make amends to him for my thoughts however today my thoughts have changed and I have more compassion and understand that they are facing a disease that needs to be dealt with every day, one day at a time.
Great post Susan...
ReplyDeleteWe have all done it...then we learn that yes "That looser is someone's baby"
As long as we grow in our recovery (w/ friends helping us along the way if needed) we will be fine.
Peace and Strength my rookie of the year...
:)