There are times when the words that come out of your mouth come back to bite you.
And they did.
For months I have been actively working toward Awareness, that addiction can hit any family, at any time, and any child can be caught in this mess. When it’s your son, your daughter you want people to have compassion, to extend grace, to find understanding. Over and over in your heart you hear yourself saying
“if you only understood addiction… if you just knew him before all this hit… you’d know the sweet boy I knew, the one whose laugh lit up your world, the one who loved playing baseball and riding quads, the one who cried when he saw a homeless man on the street… that’s my addict, that’s my son”.
The pain a mother carries in her heart when her son or daughter is rejected and looked upon as a looser because of addiction is at times unbearable and I know it well.
Just two days ago I saw my son with a long time friend, one who he has used with on countless occasions. A young man I know well, and loved like a son. He has supplied my son on several occasions with drugs. As the two walked toward me, he knew to separate from my son and walked away as I spoke to him. As we parted I said
“I can’t believe you’re with that looser”.
By the time I got in the car my stomach was turning… not because he was with him, but because of what just came out of my mouth… he is someone’s son, just like my son is.
His mother is in just as much pain over the road her son has chosen as I am. Tears streamed down my face as I was confronted with my two-faced heart. Oh how I prayed that I would have the opportunity to make amends.
This morning I received a text from that young man… he was seeking to make amends for the hurt he had caused our family.
The tears flowed…
I immediately called him and I was able to tell him I forgive him and ask his forgiveness for my callous words.
He said “Susan I forgive you, and I completely understand, if I had a son I wouldn’t want him with me either”.
He went on to tell me of where he was in his recovery, and I was able to offer words of encouragement and understanding. Oh how I pray they replaced the callous ones.
I must always remember… he’s someone’s son…